Last memory!

Movies I've watched recently, have had something to do with memory and extraction... The whole concept of incepting a memory or an idea, or extracting/erasing a memory, somehow doesn't digest well. See, for me, memories are easily made. Infact effortless. You dont even realize you have preserved some event/incident/person deep down in your memory, unless there is some other event/incident/person at a point in time that happens and you instantly remember some thing else. The idea of erasing a part of your memory, say an incident or a person to me is absolutely impossible. Not I am not trying to question the ability or the future of science [May be science has reached this stage!]. I am questioning the very premise!

A simple exercise. Think of a person right now. We are trying to see how to erase this person from your memory, so make sure this person is close to you and have shared other than only happy happy moments in life..

Now hold on to this thought. Now lets try to erase this person completely. You will obviously start from the very last encounter or discussion you had. Then you try to reason out why you should delete this person.

You have to think of very few bad/ uncomfortable experience you might have had, or may be some joke either of you have cracked on the other person and are guilty of it. May be a promise you broke. Whatever it may be. Remember them all. You will feel a little down about few nasty things.

One by one try to remember them all, you may find it surprising there are more such memories than you thought. One by one erase them off. Try to forget. You may start to wonder - "what if"-and try to correct things that may have gone wrong. Now you may feel worse about your self. Still, try to erase those memories.

Now, you think about all the happy times, start to wonder, "were they all real"? Some how, you doubt if they were real. Try to remove these happy memories. If you feel it was easier to remember the nasty memories than the good ones, I dont think you will be alone. 'Coz that is my point. GOOD memories are made easily, effortlessly! Now, try to focus more on those good times. You will find them, ERASE them. By now, you will be feeling terrible about what you are doing, and why you are doing!

Eventually you will always end up at the first memory.

This FIRST MEMORY is now the LAST MEMORY of this person that you have!!

Erase it? Yes. But Before that, just live this moment. Fill all your mind with this very last memory that is left.

That memory you have is almost impossible to erase. Try as much as you want, your heart doesn't allow you to erase this memory. This one memory actually has the power to erase all the bad memories you might have had with any person, for real! and leave you with all the good things to remember. This first memory is a wonderful thing. Its like a broke tape recorder, it just plays on and on and on....

It is impossible to forget people who have given you such memories. Memories you would love to relive. That is the reason why I feel, no matter how advanced science gets, it will always be one step behind people who made science possible. Surely when it comes to memories of people, science will always be one step behind the will of people to hold on to the memories of people who matter the most.

The first memory is indeed the last memory you carry of such a person and this lasts for ever!

In a way, if you talk about the first memory you have of a person often in you usual conversations, it means there is something in you which already knows the people who are important to you! May be the reason why memories are made effortlessly. This is something which I feel is the reason for me to believe the very premise of erasing memory of a person who has truly meant something, is impossible!

P.S Now that reading part is done, spend some time actually doing this exercise. You probably might go through the widest spectrum of emotions and it is worth it.

Cynical Indian

Last 60 hours have been quite something! I have traveled, put complete trust in something I don't believe in, met up with an old friend and had a wild time. Had the most embarrassing moment of my life ;) enjoyed a road trip. Watched movies that i missed in the past few months for various stupid reasons, finally ate at NM eat street after trying to go there for the past year. Ofcourse, either Marine drive of Juhu had to figure in this jolly ride, this time Juhu it was.

Standing in the knee deep water at midnight that day, with my friends standing on dry sand at a distance, my eyes reached some place, some place beyond the horizon, some place beyond where my eyes could reach, someplace deep within me.

Its something to do with the attitude of we Indians. All of us love our nature, the beauty of it, proud of us being educated youths. We go mad when we see someone litter our surroundings, someone educated doing it just boils us all the more. But then, depending on the company we are in, we too indulge in screwing up our surroundings!

It was surprising that "There is no shame in dirtying the place, but there is all the shame in the world when it comes to cleaning it up!" Pretty disgusting i say! One second we show disgust at someone dirtying a place, then we are party to the holy act of spoiling it more! Its just a cycle! The Indian of this generation as an individual is honest about few things, but is conscious when it comes to implementing it in public. Well it is not just to do with keeping the surroundings clean.

Lets come to the next surprising thing, or, should I say, something that surprises me.

I have a reputation for bad jokes, well, I can accept it. My jokes are really bad. :)

My jokes make a fool out of me. Make people feel sick and keep wondering, "Hmm, what could be the next thing he says!". Then I tried to find out what kinda jokes people like.

Its funny, that its just not funny, atleast not for me. Its the jokes people make on others. Jokes people say about others behind their backs and ridicule them and make statements about them. Most of these statements are insulting and I just cant figure out what is so funny, about say, the posture of a person, their height, their speech, their dressing sense, or for that matter, their personality!! What I really find funny, black humour of sorts really, is that people just laugh at these 'jokes', but never really appreciate it when the joke is on them. So how do you really find such jokes funny.

One more thing I have observed, is that these people who make 'jokes' are opinionated bastards who make random statements and and cock sure in their belief that people will listen and value their words! To an extent, aren't we supposed to point our fingers at people who encourage such sick jokers. Heart of hearts, people dont like these jokes, but end up laughing at them just to be party to 'fun' at that moment. In is sad that we feed these bloody jokers with encouragement in these short burst of laughter. Well, they will never changes, coz they will always find someone who will laugh at their jokes. And when they are done with cracking jokes with these people, they will always find someone new to say these jokes on people.

It really takes balls to make a joke about someone in front of them, and it takes a person who truly appreciates humour to laugh at himself. But the 'funny' people i invariably find myself stuck with, enjoy the jokes they make people about others and take immediate offence when the joke is on them. Or when someone tries to draw a line, a joke is made out of that too.

There is a THIN LINE of difference between imitating people and mocking people. Some people imitate, and these people also imitate good things. Those who mock, well, all I can say is, aaarrrgghh!

I must say, I am satisfied at joking about myself, and making people laugh about my jokes, as long as I consciously don't make an effort to make someone laugh by demeaning someone. Jokes, it needs a new definition if you ask me.

I say this is a problem with an Indian attitude coz, the majority of us is in the fringe zone, who knows what is right, who believes in what is right, but just drift away from doing the right thing, coz the once who dont do the right thing are doing what is wrong and shamefully a popular act.

At least we are in the fringe zone and we have it in us, to do what it takes to stop these suckers, who laugh at the little- not so perfect - things about others, when they fail to realize they are total suckers and their soul is filled with filth.

Just stop feeding them with encouragement!

My limited readers surely wont make any difference to the world, I know this. But I hope it makes a difference to the small world we live in, the limited space we share. Lets just keep it simple when we appreciate our surroundings and actually keep it clean when we say it should be clean! Keep ourselves clean by not making fun of others, definitely not behind their backs!

Happiness!?

I have been trying to figure out the answer to a simple question - What is happiness? What started off as a question that would have a simple definition, has left me .. hmm.. lets see.. lost? confused? amused?

Is it a state of mind? Or is it a state of heart? Does feeling happy mean you are happy truly from within, and no matter what happens around you, you are still happy?

Or, does it mean, you get happiness from all the good things around you, no matter what is going on in your mind?

Man is a social being by nature, when he is happy, he tries to spread happiness to others, even to those who dont want to share his happiness. Loner by nature at times- when he is upset, and people around are trying to make him happy and it has no positive effect on him.

The clutter in mind is often the cause of any thing not good with us, and the reasons to this can be many. That I am sure, you can figure it out.

Coming back to the question- what is happiness? In a attempt to find an answer to this, I drifted towards another question, what gives me happiness?

It could be a sudden plan to have some amazing food, either in my room, or with friends outside. Amazingly, cleaning your room with some loud music also gives happiness. Having the mess food, whatever be the taste, enjoying it for the sheer company of friends is also a high.

It could be a long long walk in the rains, with my i-pod playing my favorite songs in my playlist and my phone capturing some lovely pictures. There is something about the sound of water falling on the pond here, the smell of wet leaves, the splendid silence, the lights guiding you around the pond, people - few and far- all in the rains, some enjoying, forgetting their unhappiness.. some are there aimlessly.

All these exercises do not really give the happiness we seek. In the end, when we share our experiences, do we truly get happiness! Try this. When totally upset and unhappy and not feeling good from within, just talk to someone close, your brother/sister/friends. Talk about anything in general. You will find yourself smiling again, forgetting that you were not happy sometime back.

Guess happiness is both the state of mind and state of heart, a mix of enjoying something you have done and doing something aimlessly. Talking all happy things or talking aimlessly, drifting from topic to topic. Happiness is definitely not being content, but just redefining what gives you happiness.

In this short journey of life, trying to define and redefine your happiness itself will end up being your destination

Good bye!!

Over the past 3 months, I have told many "good bye" s. But today, at the airport, waiting to see-off my niece, I saw and realized a few things.
Standing at the airport, in the continuous Mumbai rains, with cool breeze and occasional downpours, I was enjoying myself.
I watched families and friends bid farewell to their loved ones. Their light humor, a few warm hugs, a few moist eyes, sometimes, the deafening silence amongst them, realizing with every passing minute, how they wished they had some more time to spend with each other.

So many people, so many emotions! All bonded by love! I saw people smiling, as they looked at their phones ringing, crying looking at messages, frantically trying to speak to as many people as possible. Yes, also trying to spend some time, just holding each other, trying to say all they wanted, mostly without speaking any word!

Kids excited by the prospects of flying! and expectations from the new world they are going to live in. The kids left behind, suddenly crying, when they realized, their brothers and sisters, who would always get them a chocolate when they cried, will not be there all the time now.

Friends giving a surprise send off! Lovers sitting at the coffee shop, hoping to spend a little more time for each other, with each other.

People you love, make you do funny things. Make you proud, make you sorry, make you feel wanted, you miss them as much as they miss you. Make you sit up all night, packing their bags, make you plan one last dinner, one last party. Make you say bye, again, for one last time, (this last time comes again and again thou), make it so difficult for you to say goodbye. Make you give a call each and everytime you get some time! Make you pray your trip is over even before it starts. Make you pray, they came along with you.

In the last 3 months, I have visited the airport twice, railway station 4 times, visited my friend at their home, made people leave home early and make it to the nearest coffee day shop, made my mom prepare sweets, bought few gifts, some i gifted, some i didn't get the chance, some i just didn't want to. Through all of this, I know , saying Good-Bye is not something I like! Now when i look back, when my friends and family return from their trip I just cannot express how much i missed them!

May be because they missed many people, and I missed only them. May be because I just dont want to show how much i missed them. May be it is the thought that crosses my mind that they might find it silly. OR maybe, they already know how much i missed them!

I guess you really say Good-bye so you can stay together, to appreciate the time you spent together and to really appreciate the time they took out for your you when you needed it.
Saying GOOD-BYE isn't really bad after all!

To those special gifts in my life!

LIFE is really very funny!
When you lose control and feel things will fall apart, they actually fall in the right place, right where they belong! I kept wondering how? why? But it took time for me to realize, I was asking the wrong question..
I should have been asking, "WHO?"
These are the characters in my filmy life, who have made it special, just by being in it. So, my first blog is a dedication to them.

The only rule, no names will be taken, you should identify yourselves.
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People say we fight, but some how I love it. I know i pull your leg a lot - but i am sure you like it.
I know sometimes we yell at each other feel miserable about it, somehow, i like this also. I know it is sad that we end up saying sorry so many times, funny,i like that also!
I know we enjoy sharing all the funny/ serious, happy/sad, sensible/non sense, time pass /meaningful discussions...
BUT!! there is only 1 thing i dont know.. What would I do without you?
You at times, make such wonderful plans! But, u end up saying- ummm next time! hopefully, you will grab some "second chances" :)
the childish innocence and the ease with which you say (at times) is so very very fun!

So, my dear gudiya, you will be loved n pampered for the person you have been to me.
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There are some lessons you have taught me, and to know that the coolest person i have known is not only my friend but a "kadaa nayagan" for many many things i have done in the past 1 year! i still follow your your lessons like "ignore kar" and i follow it :D
Best part is, when things went wrong, you take it upon you to make them right for me. I dont know how u do it, but glad, u do it for me too. And Yes!!! The first "impression" i had about you, is till date the right and best impression i had about you! :D
So, for all these and many many more things to hopefully come, as an honest "inspector" would, keep an eye on me! ;P
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Now, to the cast n crew of the song of my life! "RAAT KE DHAI BAJE" ;)


for the first casting member : Sometimes i have blunt, sorry for that, but thank you much much more, coz you took the bluntness.
Sorry tht i end up saying my troubles, but thank you much much more, coz you dont just listen, but help me through. I at times may be a bug [ :) ]but, what to do? koi aur hai hi nai!! you are the perfect mix of monisha and maya of sarabhai fame, both sophisticated and total faltoo at times :) .
you are the only person whom i have known, to have a more filmy and crazier life stories to say!
But, deep down, underneath all these story telling and song singing sessions... you have been a very special and important friend. So, in the many lists that you make, if you ever make a list of people, I am glad, coz i know, i will figure somewhere in that list. And for that, THANK YOU!


For the second performer in the song:
The best part about a friend like you is, i can share my 1st week secret and still be glad to have u around as a best friend! RARE & PRICELESS!
you have given me 1 experience that no other friend has given me in my entire life. The tears of joy. long back, I had heard this - "success is when preparation meets opportunity". with you, I got to see this! beyond all the happy go lucky but truly tensed person that you are, learn these 5 letters well, "RELAX"..
slow down... go "step by step". enjoy! memories are made EASILY, just have to sit back , watch your life n capture it! too many things happen with you very fast. relish it all!! as much as you can.
Tears are very precious, dont waste them thinking and getting confused with life. Save them for the people around you. So, always have smile
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the sweet child - the kiddo - the cartoon- the looney toon- the silent assassin!
wow, you are one hell of a person! i dont claim to know you very well, but the little that i may have known about you, i can say this..
i have never seen anyone who is such a quick learner! i have never seen anyone who so very practical! someone whose thought process is so refined and so uniquely different but correct!
someone who is as emotional caring daring and such good company to be with!
i thought God stopped making people like you, but I guess, he made an exception me. :)
and what a sweet cute and an awesome exception he made!
So, you should never disrespect the gift of God, so dont you ever run away!
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A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face. Thank you all for wiping the fake smile n tears away for me.